This morning was beautiful. Fall is my favorite time of year. I got up an extra hour early this morning because instead of jogging, I wanted to walk. I always try to start my birthday off like this especially now since i rarely have a moment to myself. This morning as i headed out the door i had a companion follow behind me. Diablo is getting up in years and his muzzle is now almost entirely gray but he shook off his slumber to enjoy my walk with me. I have hit many milestones in my life that i should never have accomplished, these are the things that occupied my mind this morning, and of course I missed my mom tremendously. Even now my eyes tear up thinking about her. I wonder if i will have managed to make the same impact apon my children when i am gone as she did on us. I wasnt supposed to be able to even have children, yet i have two beautiful boys and if that wasnt enough, I was blessed with two beautiful girls from adoption as well. and since my mom died my little brother (i'm not sure how little you can consider him since he hit 6'3" around his 13th birthday this year) has made my house his permanent home. I am happy at my job although my hip and back are starting to give me trouble now and then from the damage left behind from the accident. I refuse to let it hinder me though. things finally feel right to me now... I guess that is a strange thing to say but i dont know how else to describe it. I know I have been absent from here quite a bit over the last few months. I was hurting mentally and trying to carry everything and everyone on my back til it dragged me down into a depression. add to it the fact that a family memeber was sick and it just turned out to be too much for me. An elder sat me down one day and told me that I needed to let it all go. I was fighting a losing battle against myself. I tend to be a person that gets caught up in other peoples emotions and problems and try to save them all therefore neglecting myself . she told me that I havent dealt with the fact that my mom was gone. so, I had to go over the whole process in my head again and finally face the fact that she was never coming back and that as long as she is remembered, she is never truly gone. as i started to put the pieces of "me" back together again, I noticed a change in my family; there were more smiles and much happier days. on my walk this morning i chose to accept the fact that I am still not done healing, and there is a long road ahead. but now I am on the right path and firmly believe that things will be better. A big thank you and hugs to my friends that stood beside me one way or another as Ive learned to sort all this out. Im not sure what the family has planned for tonight I am sure that it will be something fun and enjoyable seeing that they have been secretly planning the event for 2 weeks now. so, i guess i am off to shower and then go get the kids from soccer. I'll update tomorrow.

"Love, Light and Laughter"

~Sia